How To Tell Someone They’re Not Invited To Your Wedding - 5 Tips

Planning for your big day is an exciting process, but there are some parts that may cause couples to feel stress. The guest list is a huge part of the planning process where big decisions will be made. You and your significant other must decide who will be invited to the wedding, and this also includes deciding on those that will not be invited. Since you can’t invite everyone, couples need to have conversations about people who won’t make the list. 

Once you have announced your engagement and started sharing the news online, your friends and family will likely start asking you questions about getting married and about your wedding day specifically. You may even have co-workers, high school friends who you haven't spoken to in years, and extended family members you only see occasionally start talking about the event as if they are likely invited. 

The rule of thumb is if you would regret not having a certain person or family member at your wedding, then you’ll likely want to invite them. However, at the end of the day, this celebration is about you as a couple so the guest list is entirely up to you. 

If you’re worried about hurt feelings, we put together 5 tips on how to tell friends or family members that they aren’t invited to your wedding. Hopefully this will help keep these conversations as easy and stress-free as possible.

1. Tell Them Directly 

If someone has reached out to you via social media, text or email asking for more details about your special day, but you were not planning on sending them an invitation, resist the temptation to quickly respond. Instead, schedule a time to meet with the person or pick up the phone and give them a formal call. Although you will be delivering news that they were not expecting, they will at least appreciate you taking the time to explain to them why they will unfortunately not be receiving a wedding invitation. 

Be polite and direct. You don't want them to hear from another source that they aren’t invited or hear that mutual friends / family are receiving updates about the event and wonder why they are not. People want to feel included and why not? It is a happy occasion! so try your best to be polite in your response and treat them the way you would want to be treated, respectfully. 

2. Your Desire to Keep it Intimate 

One polite way to explain to someone that they did not make it onto the guest list is to tell them that you wish to have an intimate wedding. Let them know you are only inviting your closest friends and/or immediate family. Your uninvited guests should respect this decision as this is your special day. There is no rule saying you have to invite your co-workers or a friend you have lost contact with, but they might not feel the same way. If you explain that you are having a small wedding and keeping it intimate by not inviting many people, most reasonable people will understand.

If your parents are having difficulty accepting the decisions you are making, you can simply explain to them that you do not have the same close relationships as they do with certain family members and friends. Let them know in a polite way you wish to invite only those whom you have close knit relationships with. .

3. Inform Them of the Venue Capacity 

If you fell in love with a certain venue that can unfortunately only accommodate a select number of wedding guests, you may just want to be honest about the situation. Simply explain that you would love to have all of your friends and family with you on this special day, but the venue has a lower occupancy so you are just planning a small wedding. 

4. Express to Them Your Tight Budget 

Weddings can become quite expensive. If you wish to keep your guest list to a limited amount to stay within your budget, your uninvited guests should respect this decision. If you are paying for the wedding yourself, then simply explain you are keeping it small for budget reasons. You shouldn't have to go beyond your means to satisfy everyone else if it is going to make your pocket book suffer in the future. 

5. Articulate Your Wedding Guest List is a Work in Progress 

If you do not expect to invite certain friends and family, you can let them know the guest list is not complete and although you are working on finalizing it, you are looking to invite only close friends and family. If you have a certain friend or family member whom you are avoiding rejecting, this can be a helpful transition into telling them in the future they will unfortunately not be receiving an invitation to your upcoming nuptials. 

Next Steps

As you continue your wedding planning, let anyone who is unsure if they are invited to your wedding approach you before you explain to them why they will not be receiving an invitation. If you are planning a destination wedding, this conversation may be a little easier since not as many people are typically invited. 

This is an exciting time for you and your significant other, so do not let these difficult conversations bring you down during this thrilling time. However, it is good to be mindful of the way you approach your uninvited guests and the conversations you may have to have with them. Keep in mind they just want to be a part of your special day and help you to celebrate, so it’s best to be respectful of their feelings.

If you’re still searching for the perfect wedding gown, take a look at our beautiful wedding dress collection at Val Stefani. Wishing you the best of luck with your conversations and a perfect wedding day!